I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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