I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The adults are the big ones right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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