the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
