Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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