Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
