you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
