Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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