if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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