He is like the real live version of the state fair..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
