we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we're making bets on your personal life
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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