Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
