Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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