I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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