Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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