So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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