East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
