Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
