I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
