you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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