just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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