Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
