i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Two words: blizzard sex
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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