I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
