fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
