I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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