it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
