good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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