if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
