this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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