do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize