i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
