there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
