I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
