Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
