I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I AM VODKA MAN
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
