Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
