True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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