She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
