the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
