Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
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