Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
