I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
