I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
