Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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