just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
