dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
