Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
