Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
