I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
