Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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