But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
