Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
