Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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