Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
