Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
