i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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