I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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