Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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