hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize