So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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