I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
