Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize