I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
