i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
