You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
