Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
