I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
