thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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