So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
