i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
